Your love set me up

Your love made me prisoner
Captivated my heart and soul
Your love did that to me
I did you wrong
I can do no wrong
Your love showed me that
Your love was always meant to be
You can do no wrong
Your love showed me the way
Showed me the light in the darkest of nights
Your love did that for me
Your love captivated me
Body, mind, and soul
Prisoner no more-
(And, yet) I can’t, “no”, and, yet “I won’t”, leave this front porch. Darkness feels better than the light
(And,yet) I am prisoner no more!
(Your love did that to me)
(Your love made me) a prisoner to my own thoughts
You showed me that I deserved more
(Your love did that to me)
I fought you at first
Oh I fought you (your love) a lot
But one by one you broke down the walls
The walls I built (that stayed up)
For years (and years, decades)
I thought I was clever (oh, oh, oh)
(But) One by one your love broke those walls
You broke me-
(But) in the best way possible
You showed me that I could love
That I could care (once again…)
Your love did that to me
Your love set me free
Your love did that to me
I am prisoner no more
And yet a prisoner I remain…
Your “goodbyes” did that to me
*edited

Beat-down

I.

You made me this way
You tried to beat the gay {out of me}
“faggot” “Queer” “Bitch-boy”
looking out into the horizon, the clouds
tears rolling like the clouds
clenched fists-

You tried to beat the gay {out of me}
You wanted to make me a man!
I just needed to be left alone.

You said:
“why are you choosing this?” 

 They tried to beat the gay {out of me} 

They said:

who are you?

Are you stupid? slow?

strangers in beds lied the boys head

Indifference painted moodscape

he didn’t know
She couldn’t have known
did They?

II.

I forgive you, I forgive her, I forgive him, I forgive them

absolved of MY sins

scars don’t fade but the pain lessens

Forget me not

*edited

Beat me down

My dad made me this way
He tried to beat the gay {out of me}
“faggot” he would say, a little boy
looking out
tears rolling down his face
clenched fists-

He tried to beat the gay {out of me}
He wanted to make me a man!
I just wanted to be {left alone}

My dad is a good man-
I won’t ever forget the time he said
“son, why are you choosing this life?”

my dad beat the gay {out of me}
until there was no fight left

the war was over {for him}

who are you? strangers in beds would ask

I learned to not cry, to not talk, or complain

was I a man yet? 

Bless his soul
holy baptismal
candles flashing

decades rolling by like eternity {trapped}-

he didn’t know
he couldn’t have known
could he?

Creative fiction: The pain that binds US

part of a new story, 1st draft, written on Evernote writing app
{narrator}
My family is so selfish  echoed in his mind, it rattled around his brain like spare change; a dryer whirling in the middle of the night.
He held that thought, as they drove away from the school. It felt like a dryer warm blanket. My family is so selfish. He sat there, tuning out the stranger in the drivers seat with the music from his phone. He felt Frozen in time. Umoving. Unyielding. Reacting would only anger others. His pain was just that , his pain, to handle/deal with in the dark quiet night. They saw weakness in displays of emotion. They did as they wanted. He did as they wanted. The boy had felt this way for many years. It was finally coming to the surface. How could he move without making noise? Would he break free of their stronghold?
The war was over so he thought but did not  know the real war had just begun.
Idle body but not idle of mind. The boy, age 23, dug his hands into the seat, turned up the music on his wireless earbuds. He breathed deeply. Exhaled. Then breathed in again
{Boy}
I was doomed from the very start.
I never met my birth mother, father was an alcoholic. Was bullied through high school. My foster family treated me….
I  liked the pain, no not at first but eventually
the pain became my “normal”. I could do no more but laugh out loud; my anger, my pain knew the face of  a smile. That was just the beginning-
Part 1